Issue date: 10/2/08 Section: Sports

I knew we wouldn't do great in week four. Most of our players were on a bye week, which forced our starting players to be on the bench, otherwise we would have lost by more.

But cheer up, we are still ranked 5th in the league. The Loose Poopmen must have had diarrhea when he beat us, but good for him.

Unfortunately, he is no longer on top. The new king of the castle is Mustard Lookers. It's your turn to be at the bottom, Poopmen, fair is fair. I know you are a man who wants to know everything, but I'm no psychic, I'm a virgin at this.

I want to thank Aaron, we don't know your name, but I want to thank you because you gave us advice on what to do with our team. We really needed the help!

I have to say I read your message three or more times. I went back and forth to other pages to make sure that you were on our side. Thank you! I took your advice and now we have a new team - a better team!

We entered week five with our head up high and we are going to crush the Paladins.

As you can see we got rid of Todd Heap because he was not satisfying our team - he was there but his presence wasn't felt. Instead we added Robert Royal, who according to the top tight end rankings for week five is ranked at number 15.

I was debating to put either the Packers or Dallas' defense, but I wasn't sure. I wanted to go with Dallas, because even though I live in Wisconsin and like the Packers, after last week's game I'm not sure our team can afford to lose again.

I asked a friend just to get a second opinion and he suggested Dallas, so there it is, Dallas is on for week five. Let's just cross our fingers and hope they defend our team well.

After four very stressful weeks of not knowing what to do, I figured that Naughty Parts must be feeling a bit sad after losing all four weeks. Cheer up Naughty, I'm sure Kaeding Kids will lose this week and you'll win! This means that The Donald Duckers need to win. At first the Ducks were rubbing it into our faces that we lost but this week he confessed to me his darkest secret. He is not a fantasy football player.

I came to realize that it must be pretty stressful for guys. I see the guys at my league, and they get obsessed with it. Every time I enter the office I hear one of them: "Did you check your players, Claudia?," "Make sure you change your team, Claudia."

Thank you, not only to Aaron for giving us advice, but also to one of my opponents for telling me that one of our players we had up was injured and the other one was suspended.

I feel like they really want us to do good, get a nice experience and actually get into it. I'm in! I like it and I'm suffering. This is Fantasy Football.

Lozano is a senior print journalism major and sports editor of The Spectator. "Fantasy Virgin" is a column that appears every Thursday.

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