Issue date: 2/21/08 Section: Editorial/Opinion

In the days leading up to the Wisconsin primary, UW-Eau Claire witnessed one of the heaviest political onslaughts it has seen in years. I'm sure you all took it in as best you could as the human mind can only take so many fliers, political ads and critical thoughts in one week.

But what is more telling than what you did see in Eau Claire is what you didn't see, which I helpfully made note of for you all. Here's a list of eight things missing from UW-Eau Claire in the days before the Feb. 19 Wisconsin primary.

1. Self-control: We were witness to yet another fainter at a Barack Obama speech. The current total stands at least seven fans nationwide being overwhelmed by Obama's sheer dreaminess. What's going on here? Is Obama really so handsome and are his words so hopeful that people forget how to breathe? Nobody should faint at anything unless it's a ghost or a Beatles performance.

In the videos I've seen of the fainting incidents, the victims are always very close to the stage. Perhaps Obama gives off some scentless toxic emission that only affects certain people? This really should be looked into, this is a serious public health concern. If nothing else, Obama is getting a lot of practice throwing water bottles accurately and safely, a skill any great president should have.

2. Hillary Clinton: Her absence was a glaring one as Obama solidified himself as the prime choice for college students in the primaries. You couldn't have expected any different, Hillary, you strung us along twice with the promise of seeing your sweet face in person only to twice break our hearts. I've severed relationships with women for less than what you did to Eau Claire.

But we don't all hate you here, Hillary - I don't think. I suppose the voting kind of suggested otherwise, but there's really no better way to tell a demographic you don't particularly care for them than promising you'll show up and then recanting - twice.

3. Science books on Mike Huckabee's campaign bus: I guess I don't know this one for sure, but I think I'm safe to assume this was the case.

4. Ron Paul: Where was the champion of the Internet when his disciples needed him most? I kept my eyes trained to the sky in search of the white, winged horse I was sure Paul would fly in on to begin his campus campaign. Alas! The clouds parted and there was no sign of Paul the Magic Texan.

I'm not saying Paul really had a chance to win more than a handful of delegates around the country, but don't you think he could have tried a little harder in connecting to his base, that being college students? Did the media that conspired against him prevent him from scheduling any public appearances outside of the south? As much as I don't like the guy, it would have been interesting to see him attempt to take the Republican youth vote away from John McCain, who seems to be getting it by default. A contested primary season is good for the political process because it forces people to actually do research on candidates rather than seeing how other states are voting.

Oh well, Paul could always give his friend and pro wrestler Kane a call, I'm sure he could hook him up with a sweet managerial position in the WWE. It wouldn't be any more stupid than when they brought K-Fed in for a match.

5. Subtlety: You know, I watched Obama's speech again the other day, and I'm still wondering - is he hoping for change of any kind? I mean, I got the inkling that he possibly hopes to enact some sort of change, but I couldn't tell for sure. Someone get back to me on that.

6. Republicans: Where were the GOP stumpers this last week? I know Huckabee stopped by, but that doesn't really count since everyone knew he was going to lose anyway.

Show some pride, Republicans! Just because your race is practically over doesn't mean you should ignore us. Obama didn't know if he was coming here, so he sent Kumar and Superman out just in case; McCain or Huckabee could've sent Ben Stein and Chuck Norris. Sending someone, anyone, to speak on campus could have done at least something in swaying moderate voters to the Republican side come November.

I'll admit it, though - I just loves me some stumpin', that's all! I don't care which party you're for, I want to see you preaching the good word about somebody! Gets me all inspired and the like, makes me want to go out and buy bumper stickers.

7. Bill Clinton saying something detrimental to Hillary: That tall glass of shut up juice Hillary's campaign served him after the Jesse Jackson comment finally worked, it seems.

8. Temperance: As good as it was to see people getting excited about politics, I noticed how in awe people were of these politicians who stopped in our town. The cynic in me was immediately troubled; are we building ourselves up for disappointment with these candidates? Failure on at least some level is certain when a candidate becomes president and not every wonderful campaign promise they make will be kept. Will we hold that against them?

We should bear in mind that these politicians are people just like you or I, not the demigods we were treating them as in the past week. These people work for us, we need to remember. Keeping our natural American skepticism about us is essential in dealing with these candidates in case he or she does not turn out to be the president they said they would. None of the candidates are infallible - not even Ron Paul.

If we don't do this, we could have the same pigheaded political discourse we saw with George W. Bush from 9/11 on, when non-support of the commander in chief was seen as heresy. No politician is going to be our savior and we need to keep that in mind.

Langton is a senior print journalism major and editorial editor of The Spectator. "What a Scoop!" appears every Thursday.

Page 1 of 1

Article Tools