Issue date: 2/15/07 Section: Editorial/Opinion

I'd like to give my congratulations to St. Louis Cardinals' first baseman Albert Pujols.

In the celebratory wake of the baseball team's recent World Series victory, Pujols took the official United States citizenship test this past week.

As it turns out, the Dominican-born slugger scored a perfect 100 on the exam and answered additional unwritten questions after studying and preparing for a year.

Pujols worked the test like he would a hanging curveball from Brad Lidge and can finally say he knows what it's like to be an average American.

Well, not exactly.

Pujols can't be considered an average American until he can name more characters on "Grey's Anatomy" than he can state capitals.

He can't be considered an average American until he exercises his right to abstain from voting on the grounds that he "didn't have time" to fill in a few Scantron bubbles.

Pujols can't be considered an average American until he forgets the basic rights bestowed upon him by the Constitution and stands by as the government decides to take away those rights in the name of public interests.

Finally, he has to spend more time protesting against a personal privacy issue that has no bearing on the way he lives his life than he does standing up to those people who take proverbial pisses on the foundations of this country.

I hope you can see a pattern here.

After studying basic U.S. history for more than a year, Pujols needs to throw it all out the window and forget what he learned if he wants to call himself an American. Because nowadays, being American basically means you only care about celebrity sightings and lowering taxes.

Immigrants, like Pujols, trying to gain entry into the country can most likely name the last state annexed into the Union, but American-born citizens can name the latest Hollywood couple breakup.

What a trade-off.

More often than not, if you walk up to a random person on the street and ask them a historical question, such as "did the Civil War start before or after 1860?", that person is going to give you the wrong answer. Most Americans should be able to name the five Great Lakes and point them out on a map, but they're more concerned with what Brooke and Alex did on the Real World last night.

Obviously, the immigration test isn't covering what is truly important to the average American citizen. Instead of questions like "When did the United States enter World War II?" the test should include an entertainment section in which an aspiring U.S. citizen has to name the last four movies Vince Vaughn starred in.

But in a logic-based reality, Pujols is more than qualified to call the United States home because he knows more about American history than the average person you see walking through the mall.

I'll admit that I probably couldn't get a perfect score on the test, nor could I get a 100 percent on any other country's immigration exam. The questions, which include the three branches of the government and historical background on the Constitution and its contents, are designed to reflect the basic knowledge the average American should know. The scary part is that if every American citizen were given this test today, many would flunk out of the country. On the other hand, it would probably rid the United States of more than its fair share of idiots.

But why does America care more about sports history and the Hollywood scene than it does about the basic principles of democracy?

The most obvious answer can be found in the consistently shortening attention span of the country's average inhabitants. And the fact that history can just be flat-out boring unless someone brings a war in the discussion.

It's a sad thought that people claim to be patriotic and promote nationalism, yet they know little to nothing about the history of the country they are supporting.

My continued respect and admiration goes to Pujols, because he proved patriotism comes from more than flag waving and firework displays.

McCormick is a sophomore print journalism major and editorial editor of The Spectator. McCormick's Musings appears every Thursday.

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