Boosting self-esteem, social skills key in overcoming shyness, experts say
Personality trait can take many different forms, but it tends to be a self-defeating behavior
Nicole Strittmater
Issue date: 2/13/06 Section: Money/Health
While some experts think shyness has to do with biological factors, others think there are ways to overcome this common personality trait, Mary Beth Leibham, assistant professor of psychology said.
"I think shyness can be overcome basically just by helping people conquer/change any self defeating thoughts."
Leibham said there are two major things that can help people overcome shyness -- boosting self-esteem and social skills. There are ways that people can help those who are shy to make them feel better about themselves.
"We all have an 'inner critic,' " Leibham said, "and with this comes self-defeating thoughts." This "inner critic" tells people how the world is going to see them and is constantly criticizing them, she said.
It might tell people that they will say something wrong if they speak up in class or look unattractive when they see themselves in a mirror, for example, Leibham said.
She said people that are shy need to recognize their faulty thoughts, which will help boost their self-esteem.
Shy people should also be helped with becoming more confident with their social skills, Leibham said.
Nina Albanese-Kotar, a psychologist at Counseling Services, said getting involved with different activities, and the social aspects that come with them, is very important. You have the benefit of being around many different types of people, she said.
Shyness can come in many different forms; some people are just shy when they are around authority figures or are dealing with a romantic relationship, while others are constantly shy no matter the situation, Leibham said. But in all cases, it tends to be a self-defeating behavior.
"I'm usually pretty shy," freshman Jesse Traner said. "It's difficult (to participate in class), but I can do it."
Teachers, by creating a warm classroom environment and sending the message that all thoughts and questions are valued, can help the shyer students to participate in class, Leibham said.
"A lot of it might be just allowing people to take time and reach a comfort level," Leibham said. "So you didn't ask a question in class; give it until midterm, than maybe you can."
"It's important for shy people to realize there's nothing wrong with being shy," Albanese-Kotar said. "It is the quiet people in our midst that are often the great thinkers and poets."
Albanese-Kotar said there is help for students who want to overcome shyness. "If people feel that their shyness is making them unhappy and interfering with their life
then they can come to counseling services."
"I think shyness can be overcome basically just by helping people conquer/change any self defeating thoughts."
Leibham said there are two major things that can help people overcome shyness -- boosting self-esteem and social skills. There are ways that people can help those who are shy to make them feel better about themselves.
"We all have an 'inner critic,' " Leibham said, "and with this comes self-defeating thoughts." This "inner critic" tells people how the world is going to see them and is constantly criticizing them, she said.
It might tell people that they will say something wrong if they speak up in class or look unattractive when they see themselves in a mirror, for example, Leibham said.
She said people that are shy need to recognize their faulty thoughts, which will help boost their self-esteem.
Shy people should also be helped with becoming more confident with their social skills, Leibham said.
Nina Albanese-Kotar, a psychologist at Counseling Services, said getting involved with different activities, and the social aspects that come with them, is very important. You have the benefit of being around many different types of people, she said.
Shyness can come in many different forms; some people are just shy when they are around authority figures or are dealing with a romantic relationship, while others are constantly shy no matter the situation, Leibham said. But in all cases, it tends to be a self-defeating behavior.
"I'm usually pretty shy," freshman Jesse Traner said. "It's difficult (to participate in class), but I can do it."
Teachers, by creating a warm classroom environment and sending the message that all thoughts and questions are valued, can help the shyer students to participate in class, Leibham said.
"A lot of it might be just allowing people to take time and reach a comfort level," Leibham said. "So you didn't ask a question in class; give it until midterm, than maybe you can."
"It's important for shy people to realize there's nothing wrong with being shy," Albanese-Kotar said. "It is the quiet people in our midst that are often the great thinkers and poets."
Albanese-Kotar said there is help for students who want to overcome shyness. "If people feel that their shyness is making them unhappy and interfering with their life
then they can come to counseling services."